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It is almost laughable in retrospect.
It happened slowly and subtly,
like
most changes,
but then upon reflection
it seems it happened all at once.
I was duped!
Played myself a fool.
I had spilt blood into so many songs
and literary ramblings proclaiming:
I "wouldn't buy in"
that I
wouldn't chase the shallow illusions of our era.
I haven't,
but instead
of pursuing what was in alignment with my soul,
I froze.
An existential
paralysis which incubated my uncertainty to the point that I questioned
all the wrong things,
and in that questioning,
I folded.
I faltered and
gave up.
I "bought in"
and began making my life's plans by what I
"ought" to do;
planning based on what was expected
and would be
"respected"
Who was I kidding?!
I have never been respectable,
I have
never been one to follow any path.
This life is mine
and I'm going to
blaze my path in harmony with my souls deepest yearnings.
No longer shall I
contemplate the dead-end anxiety ridden maze of "what ifs" and
"oughts".
Clarity! Oh sweet clarity!
My love for you is nothing compared to the solace you give unto me.
My entire body boils with a renewed energy.
Thank you for the suffering,
for the seemingly endless drudgery,
through the deepest depths of despair.
For now I've returned,
and the taste is sweet,
the taste of sweet,
fearless,
Air.
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