Do not post Rant

 "You don't want to work? Don't care about green? How can you decipher your value then?"

A FB status of mine from Jan 2016. I had started working when I was 12. Come junior year of highschool I switched to work study.. Freshman year of college and I was working 4 other jobs at the same time as going to classes fulltime..

I hated money, I grew up ever-aware of how its absence affected life. Well, not at first, as a child, everything is, as it is. It is not until we have the capacity for comparisons that the sting of inequality sets in.

then in 2013 I was injured at MT, fired, and left with medical debt from the injury, and left with the injury, no treatment or PT ever received.

Later in 2018 working for a completely different company, injured, and left with nothing but another injury and downward spiral since.

I don't think I could ever go back to work. To re-acclimate to mechanical life.. But where and how will I live once the patience and compassion of my parents wane. Perhaps what I thought was clarity is just illness. Everything seems tainted, distorted. I am sorrow-sicken. I can feel my vitality drain. Valiant attempts to counter these forces are short lived. Happiness comes from fewer things. I distance myself from others so as to not bleed on them. I no longer trust others. Oscillating from hermetic isolation, to having 5 conversations simultaneously. erratic unfocused creativity. Inability to complete anything. Aversion/Absence of self care. Repulsed from going anywhere.

This was saved as a draft from 2022, labeled "rant do not post" 
But at this point, 
What does it even matter?
Its been two years, and despite a few upwellings of hope and opportunity, things are still very much the same.