Since I was a child...

 

Why is the onus to be responsible, calm, and understanding always on me?

Why can't someone offer me even a slice, of the understanding and grace I so freely give to those who respond, react, and treat me immaturely?  

God forbid I share my experience, of what it is like for me to receive. 
Immediately it is all my fault,
I am labeled
Evil,
A Villain,
Too sensitive,
A Child.

I am fucking tired of being so understanding, to strive to remain rational and calm,
but if I were to choose to be the other way,
to let myself fall to the primal rage,
to let the ego take full reign,
T'would be a lie and disgrace to who I am, the lessons I've learned
and the truth that forces itself into my view,
 each and every damned day. 

I AM ONLY A HUMAN BEING.

I HAVE FAULTS AND FLAWS AND FEELINGS.

I CAN PUT THEM ASIDE
TO TRY TO HELP YOU
TO TRY TO RESPECT THE DIVINE IN YOU

BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN 

I AM IMMUNE 

TO THE STABS LAUGHS AND WOUNDS
I AM ALWAYS HOLDING SPACE
GIVING GRACE

But for me?
There is no such place.