Ferocious Roar - Mistreated No More

I am never the first to yell,
but when I do, it is the loudest,
most ferocious roar.

I am not the first to throw a punch,
but I hit the fucking hardest, and I will not stop,
until you hit the floor.

All of this could be avoided,
if you could just maintain some maturity and decorum.

Do not mistake my sensitivity, my compassion, my grace,
as cover for cowardice,
it is quite the opposite,
it is so I do as little as possible to stir the cowardice within you.

But if it happens anyway, and you choose to attack,
Just know there is no looking back.
I gave you infinite chance.

Spread your lies about me, 
I don't mind,
I have a lifetime of experience
of being misrepresented.

Although it never has stung as much as when it comes from you.

I called out your behavior,
and you took it as an assault on your character.

I thought you probably were just embarrassed that the numbers were hard to see,
hell, they are hard for me to see...
instead you attacked me.
Like a petulant little child.
As you continued to yell, scream,
name call, belittle, gaslight, 
and I tried to keep things calm and grounded.

But when
you stepped toward me, 
arm cocked back,
 as if you were going to hit me,
I fucking lost it.
I roared with an intensity that took you for surprise,
I could see it in your eyes.
And in response to your step toward me,
I took four at once,
So you could see the pain and anguish in my eyes,
but when I looked in yours,
there were only clouds,
where the light once shined.

I love you ferociously,
but my feelings are secondary
to the need to distance myself
from any and all
who conduct themselves like you do,
toward me.

I have spent more time than anyone I know,
deconstructing all my false beliefs.
I have suffered in my pursuit of truth, 
I have sacrificed everyone and everything
Thank you for letting me know how you really feel about me,
and what you think about me.
I'll make sure never to share anything of power or importance with you again.

This time I will not falsely apologize for the sake of fake peace.
I will not ignore or forget. 
I will not be mislead.

In 36 years the only times you have ever apologized to me,
have ALWAYS
ALWAYS
ALWAYS
ALWAYS
been sarcastic, and sent with the insinuation that I was the one at fault.

Not this time.
If you can't let go of your lies and your pride,
then this is goodbye.
After years of bleeding trying to reach you,
I quit.
I have no regrets.
I have done everything in my power.
Hate me, 
berate me,
I don't care anymore,
all it does it makes your own process more difficult.
If you end up all alone,
know that it wasn't a curse,
it was your own fucking design.