Practice Practice Practice

 Present in all your sensations. From where your body is making contact to the world around you, to the spaces between your bones.

Then, when present, lightly deepening the breath, and gently opening the faucet of mind, how much thought can you bathe in while holding the full presence of your sensations?

Spiritual Snakeoil

 The snakeoil salesmen of spirituality
will sell you on the constancy of self.

It will sound something like,

"Although you have changed over the years, that which perceives has stayed the same. You are not the changes, you are that which stays the same and sees the changes."

They must not have been paying attention for any prolonged period of time. If one invests the proper amount of time, honing the mind back at the mind, subtleties and changes appear with greater and greater refinement.

There are changes in the changeless aspects of ourselves. It adjusts slowly, as do our fates, by means of the patterns of the day to day.

Yes, even that which is the perceiver changes. There are many qualities which can change over short and long periods of time: the "size" of one's awareness. the shape. the duration. the emphasis or ratio mixture of sensory flow.

Same as its always been, So why die on that hill?

 We think that everything is so precipitous,
that we are right on the edge of total catastrophe.

Don't you see we are arguing the same things we've been arguing for hundreds of centuries?

Free will vs destiny
Illusion vs Reality
Power vs Love
God vs No God

Although the weight and sway of one side may change with time,
never,
in all of history,
has anyone come to the solution of any of these.
At least not in any substantial way which could change society.

You will not read the answers you seek.
You can only find them in your blood, your bones,
in the very air you breath.

You are the crux,
You are the nexus,
You are the conflict,
and therein,
You are the resolution,
You are the rest,
You are the peace.

F.E.A.R.

 I fear the foolishness of man
much more
than the malevolence of nature.


F orgetting

E verything

A xially

R elates

December 2009

 Why can't I escape these mental machines?
the things which make my stomach turn and seize,
intuition or false conclusion?
Patterns or the preoccupation with matter?

What difference does it even make?
spending alone, all the time awake,
shifting in and shifting out,
I can't begin, I can't even start.

I long for a time,
a time long forgone,
where the shadows on the wall,
were all I ever knew at all,

but that time has come and past,
I've made my way out of the cave,
only to turn and fall on my back,
stuck somewhere between the sun and the wall,
stuck in a world where, what the fuck is real at all?
If nothing is real, then we are free to fly or fall,
but then its all a lie, all a game with no point at all.

Can you see through my eyes?
can you feel my soul?
Why is it when I'm with all of you, I feel even more alone?
communication, misinterpretation,
leading to false conclusions,
to these spiritual delusions,
I've seen the eyes of the trees,
starting back at me,
I've seen the dragons in the breeze,
flying so serene,
and I've seen how they all react to cosciousness
to the way we breathe.
For fucksake.

The Spectacle

 I want to take a moment to deviate from our usual unusual explorations, to explore something a bit more exoteric, rather than esoteric. In other words, lets discuss how things seem on the outside of our skulls.

Below you will find a link for a video. My request is that you withold your judgements and reactions until the video is over. Note them, also notice the larger context.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qmht6Tbtzg

I'm not sure how I happened upon this, but I would never ordinarily watch content from this guy. I think he is just like most other content creators, capitalizing on sensationalism and walking a line.

A few thoughts:

(1)
Instead of social media labeling something as "true" or "false", have it tag content that is "Currently Debated" or "Conflicting Evidence". Then when someone clicks the little "i" for more information, it leads to a screen that shows 2 - 10 different "conclusions" or perspectives, each one containing links to people who support and have evidence for that topic.

You could have it that from that screen that shows the leading arguments, it would be easily visible which and how many: researchers, groups, organizations, corporations, governments, politicians, and people support each argument.

This will help to increase the quality of evidence, debate, analysis, and comprehension which people can derive from any topic or conflict.

(2) Anyone with even a modicum of contemporary scientific understanding, understands the limitations of that knowing. In other words, contemporary scientists understand the inherit structural limitations of the scientific method and mathematics. For our greatest minds to know this, but the mediators of social discussion not to, creates a strange scenario where literally a handful of mediocre minds can dictate what is "true" and what is "false".

(You can more on the limitations of knowledge here: https://explorerunknown.blogspot.com/2021/12/godel-turing-turning-turning-turning.html)


(3) Now. This is completely hypothetical, but what if Facebook were to counter this lawsuit by presenting evidence that 90% of this guy's viewer base also follow flat earth, qanon, or other outlandish/"dangerous" content? What if 90% were also rioters on January 6th? Whatever evidence your mind can fathom, if that came forward, would you judge this dude guilty by association? Would it take away from his lawsuit?



Returning to point 1. Personally, I think everything is changing always, that being said, we have mountains of scientific data starting as far back as the 70's showing evidence that our technoglobal raping of the earth's resources was having a negative impact (gee shocker). I don't really resonate with what this dude is saying, but I do not believe he should be censored for saying it. Furthermore I feel like these are the types of people that are worth having civil discussions/arguments/explorations with. As a society we have seemed to lose our tact and taste for nuance, we find it too slow, too drab. Instead we pursue ever-increasing-sensationalism, shorter slogans, and even more narrow dogmatic world views.

I think these are things worth thinking about. Thank you for reading. Feel free to share your thoughts.

Truth, Virtue, Mysterium, Creativity

 I see now.

All the strange variables,

why did they fall in just the way they did to make you?

Can you see it?

You choose to see, even when the sight hurts or disgusts you.

You choose to speak, even when you know, against your intent, your words will enflame all around you.

You are content on your own, but readily aid strangers and friends.

You have made it this far through the quagmire with both your head and your heart.
....And your eyes. Those beautiful bulbous bulbs, allowing the brain to build innumerable worlds.

It is now time, to simultaneously speak your truth, and be willing in an instant to reconsider it, should new evidence present itself.

Guided by the Mysterium Conjunctionus of all things.

in other words, you are guided by the wisdom, that all life, all activity, all thought, exists as a spot between an endless array of mutually exclusive polarities. It is the push/pull of opposites that feeds, fuels, and brings about all things.

Pay attention to the moments in your life where the narrative world and the "objective" world touch. Examples of such instances from history would be any magical object (holy grail, sigils, old testament, etc), supposed magical beings (fatima, jesus, bhudda, mary, Et's, etc), as well as historical accounts of individual's lives being correctly foretold by prophets and seers.

We are living in a story where the characters do not realize they are always actively creating their story. Be mindful of the stories you let take space in your skull. Choose your stories wisely. Let your innate virtue guide you. Clarity + Creativity = The edge of imperceptibility

Here is a post I found with an example of how one might do a simple exercise in integrating narrative power into their lives:

https://betterendingsnow.wordpress.com/tag/jung/

Godel & Turing Turning Turning Turning

 "Truth and provability are not the same thing."

Even in mathematics, the gem of man's reason, there are some truths which can not be proven.

A civilization may operate with a system for a thousand years, and then one day a contradiction finally arises proving the system had always been inconsistent.

No system can prove its own consistency, it is beyond the bounds of its scope.

Within systems like math, the best one can aim for is a consistent, yet incomplete system. The only problem, as stated before, is that the system has no way to know if it is consistent.

Attempting to add additional systems to remedy this will only create a larger cascade of incomplete and/or inconsistent systems.

Truesight

 Nothing that happens does so without announcement. Pay attention, see the ripples to avoid the waves.

You may not be able to see what is coming in the cascading reflections,

But, at the very least, you'll be able to see that there IS something coming at you.

It's elementary

 Anywhere one finds pathological psychological illness, with just a little digging, they are sure to find high neuroticism, complex self deception, and/or religious/metaphysical indoctrination.

A concerto on 8mm.

 Perhaps meaning is just too much to ask for,
Too daunting a thing to prescribe as remedy.
 

I could see it, I could feel it in his voice.
The way his eyes lingered on the echo of the stuttering image of his lifelong lover's visage .

How his silence tipped the house askew, but there was no one else who knew.

60 Years of a love, true-blue .

Sitting there, just him and I, as his life passed before our eyes.
I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.
A concerto on 8mm. Dated 1955

Perhaps "Meaning" is just too much to ask for,
Too daunting a thing to prescribe as remedy,
perhaps all one needs,
is a simple thing.

Just something to look forward to.
What are you looking forward to?

Test

via GIPHY

Hyper Sapiens

 As long as humanity doesn't destroy itself, the rise of the HyperSapiens are inevitable. If socio-economic systems are similar to today's, the rise of the HyperSapien will take place among the most wealthy first.

HyperSapien is a broad term which attempts to categorize the wide variety of results of man's attempt to evolve himself.

Some will be by genetically manipulating their dna/offspring's dna for "perfect" traits. Some will do so by splicing genes from other animals/organisms into one's own genetic code. Some will utilize cybernetic and robotic implants/additions. Some will utilize technologies that we cannot currently fathom.

In each case, each will have taken distinct steps away from the Homosapien, and have started the path to something which, over time, will have only an echo of the humble human.

Morning of Mutatio

... And just like that,
confusion dawns into clarity.

No great battle,
no tower moment,
no brushes with the divine,

just a simple acknowledgement,
A seeing,
A soft knowing.

A simple smile.

Although the dawn is not preceded by some monumental event of clashing polarities,
Although the dawn comes without effort or strain,

A deep part of you knows that today would not be today,
be it for the suffering,
for the pain,
the struggle,
for the seemingly endless night,
which now,
in an instant,
 Has become day.

A Conversation on the Wisdom of Color

 People will say,

"What's the point? There is no meaning."
You always have to hold back a laugh react.

so instead You say, "No meaning? Where?"

Their faces immediately change. If it were possible for a face to completely rearrange they would do so out of their visible confusion and disbelief of the perceived audacity of my question.
With furrowed brows and crinkled nose, making sure to enunciate
and emphasize each word like you were a child who had forgotten the rules,

"There is no meaning out thereee" *gesturing vaguely with their arms*

"But aren't I 'out here'?" You say, "and if I am of the belief that there IS meaning, and I live my life with meaning, and I share that meaning with others, isn't my 'in here' actually in your 'out there' ?"

-The ACME ANVIL of silence falls.

The silence is broken by a headstrong counterattack,

"But the meaning isn't real, you are creating it, it is a delusion, it is a lie, a story, a willing voyage away from what IS."

-You cant help but smile. You do not disagree, but you see that clarity is needed.

"My friend, you speak with such conviction, with such knowing of what IS, but I feel if your conscious experience were to flicker with what IS, for even just a moment, you would find yourself in an intolerable alien world."

-Their eyebrows narrow and arch as the fire grows in their eyes,
"OF COURSE I KNOW WHA.."

-You know it is easier to contain a fire before it gains momentum and becomes a blaze, so you cut them off, raising your head and eyes to meet theirs,

"Do you see the sky?"

"Yes, clear and blue, and.."

-You step to the side, allowing the sun to shine up them and you reply,

"No."

-They incredulously squint their eyes again,

"What do you mean no? Of course it is! Do you not have eyes to see?"

-You can see their natural curiosity growing despite the way their ego writhes, and You are unable to hide a soft smile,

"Yes, my eyes tell me that the sky is blue, but it is a lie, it simply is not true. This is not some logical trick of optics and reflections, but of the nature of the color ITSELF. Color does not exist 'out there' ."

-Eyes which were once torrents, now shine as fertile fields.

"By the beauty of reason, science, and increasing technology, we have been able to deeply perceive the nature of the world and universe of which we live."

"By means of assistance with instrumentation we have found, without a doubt, that all objects are just different frequencies of the electromagnetic spectrum. At a certain range of that spectrum(0.5 X 10 to the negative 6th power), our eyes are able to translate that information and perceive that as light. Then, within that range of the spectrum, there is an even smaller slice, which we have evolved to decode as colors. Color mutually emerges with the rise and persistence of life."

-After a few moments their eyes meet yours and they say,

"So the color isn't out there."

"Right."

"So, I actually create the color."

"Yes, all without any effort on your part."

"But then why is it so hard to believe?"

"Because you have forgotten."

"What have I forgotten?"

"What it means to be."

The Drift

 Perhaps I am mad,
and if I am,
my reason has led me here.

Decades, striving for truth,
elongated, slow-motion strobe lights of
revelation,
awe,
terror,
and annihilation.

The pain created,
by the wound left,
opened up a world to me.

I could now see,
and feel,
this process taking place within me.

Wait.
Stop.
I'm sorry to interrupt the flow.
But take this moment for yourself,
Where are you taking up the most space in your body?
Do you understand this question?
Can you FEEL your answer?
When you allow your awareness to cascade down your body,
what do you feel?
What do you feel at the boundary of your skin?

For a long time, I wasn't even able to feel into my body,
Although if asked, I would say, "of course I feel my body!"
but once I started,
to really feel,
it was a terrible,
unbearable,
a constant source of pain,
of power,
of darkness,
and of light.

Learning to temper my wants,
with the harmony of my being.

Holding my truth as a lantern to light the way.

Learning to the let it flow through me,
rather than by me.

Is this the species spiritual reflex coming online?
If I were a woman, I'd say I have a child inside.

As if there is a sentient energy which has a will of its own,
is it helping or hindering my endeavor for alignment?
Or is it THAT which is to be unlocked once the body is fully aligned?


Unlocking the spine,
and climbing the ladder,
the endless interconnections,
it is almost too much to handle.

It has been years since the strobe light has turned static.
Years since I've built my practice.
And yet still so much pain.
I've been so patient,
thrown so much away,
I've always sought to extract the wisdom,
and to accept my mistakes.
But God why must this pain stay?

I've forgotten myself and helped others,
I've helped myself, to the dismay of others,
I've ridden this lightning bolt of
bio-social-psychological reorganization,
and healed,
and grown,
and yet,

I'm still not whole,
My wounds still ooze,
I still irrationally long,
I still seek certainty,
I still live in a sea of pain,
and I'm losing hope.

I feel a distance growing:
from the seat of my consciousness,
to the center of the sphere,
I am drifting,
further from the center of the self,
and closer to the fear.

The First Virtue

 The first,
and most often forgotten virtue,
is that of curiosity.

She

She makes me feel like I did before my annihilation .

A One-Sided Conversation from 12 years ago: Math, Myth, Metaphor, Reality, and God

 These comments are taken from a conversation, unfortunately jon's comments no longer exist, I am saving the one sided conversation. Dated October 2nd 2009:

"Reality is myth, math, and metaphor"

"You may argue reality is god, but are not those things all god?"

"John to your first comment I say the same to you. Second on all of my questions of what YOU believe and how other things make you feel, you have failed to answer. I think it awesome how much faith you have, and your love for god, and I think your way to god is correct... for you; That doesn't mean that there aren't other paths out there, other ways to connect with god and to understand this universe. I found it upsetting that you would deny my statement; a statement which I would like to see you prove one way or another, because honestly when it comes to things like god or faith there is no way to possibly know what is true. God is something which man can only hope to grasp the fringes of; for it is something greater and more magnificent than our puny cellular minds could grasp. But we can see the results, see the webs which connect all things to the creator.

I am still waiting for your messages to tell me what you believe and feel without pointing me to a website or a book; because anyone can aquire any faith they want, but what makes you disagree with the new age movement? (not that I am even a part of it) what moves your soul to believe the things you believe? What does it make YOU feel? These are the factors which I'm more interested in rather than the outline for your faith.

I think all religions, all philosophys, have some truth in them; People try so hard to be right, to turn things black and white, but what we need is a cohesion and balance of reason and intuition, science and god. love and anger. Because a man cannot be measured by who he is in thought alone; its who he is when a specific event comes his way, and what decision he makes."

"

and as to not be hypocritical...

The evidence for my statement is thus:

when one speaks of reality one must realize the power of perspective (the doors of perspective) which shape and mold a reality for an individual. Your world is viewed differently from mine and everyone elses. When studying civilization you will find that the superstructure is made up of music, art, and symbols. Symbols have a powerful impact on how one INTERPRETS this world and the patterns which exist in the fabric of reality. Thus Myth, the ultimate cohesion of symbols plays a giant role in how we view things. From stories in the bible (adam and eve and the tree) to the greek and roman mythos, and all other religious books which have fables and tales.

Math is the language of this reality. If you do any sort of research into the Fibonacci numbers, to the golden ration, and other aspects of math upon the material universe, you will find that there are patterns which have come to be by certain strings of numbers. From our DNA, to the spiral shell of crayfish, even to the placement of the pyramids. Reality exists on a conscious-driven program. Math allows us to understand everything material that the creator made.

And metaphor is my favorite among them all. Metaphors are a beautiful aspect of language and communication, it allows for one to speak of things outside understanding through the means of something one does understand. It utilizes the prior two ideas, but also.. it shows the relations of the small to the large. The Micro-Macro cosm that exists to such an extent that we are affected by things we don't realize, and we effect things much greater than ourselves. As above, so below."

"I look forward to your ideas, and your response. Thanks man."

"I agree! I live off the discussion of ideas and beliefs. I think we should grab a cup of coffee or something because I think subject matter like this needs to be discussed in person. You could copy and paste the discussion into a word document or email, other than that I'm not to sure."

Binary Bullshit Breeds in the Brain and Blinds the Mind

Binary Bullshit Breeds in the Brain and Blinds the Mind.

Why does it seem like the human mind is preoccupied?

Preoccupied with always sandblasting away the complexities of reality,
to reveal the polar clarity:

is it Good?
or,
is it Bad?

is it Yes?
or,
is it No?

For example, many people find themselves caught in a quagmire,
In a nexus between flow and control.
Am I to be like the Confucian Stoic?
Timelessly aware,
hands deftly on the reins of "I"
Watching, Controlling,
Mediating, Sublimating,

Or,

Am I to be like the Zen Christos?
Softly sliding, carried by winds, fretting not for the morrow,
no pre-reflecting on thought or speech, just living, spontaneous,
free like a child.

Perhaps my own bias shown through, by the nature of my extrapolation,
but when we see this dichotomy spread in such a way,
is it not immediately apparent?
Can you not see the irony of totality?

It is never good, nor bad, nor both, nor neither.
Is you car ever all brakes, all gas pedal, or all motor?

As nature unfurls herself in front of us with the unfolding of time,
there are times for brakes,
times to idle,
and times to push the pedal as far and hard as you can.

You will know each season through awareness alone.
Your spring,
may be another's fall, or winter,
you must know your own.

Pay attention,
inside your skin,
and out.

Can you see both? As the story plays out?

L O V E

 Love is a choice,
more accurately,
it is an active choosing.

It is a choosing which does so,
without grasping,
without a want or need to change the other.

It is simply the clear identification that,
life is enchanted, enhanced, and vivified,
with the presence of another.

My Kali

 I had been deep in Tantric practices.
Working with, and transmuting,
the sexual energy currents of the body.

Desires melted away on their own,
sexual delights no longer held my mind hostage,
but then there she was.

My Kali, my executioner, my lover, my, well, she wasn't mine,
but her emergence into my life,
it changed everything.

I was ignited.
The serpent which I had enchanted with songs of peace,
and practices of yoga, could not be consoled.

It writhed, and with it my heart sank.
Tormented again by longing,
A longing, which a silent voice told me, would not be satiated anytime soon.


And all I could do was stand by and watch all that I had built,
melt and burn and crumble.

It was only when I decided to walk away,
that Kali decided she wanted to play.

So now I walk steadfast into the den of my executioner.
Unmoved by fear,
unmoved by my desire.

I walk, to face her. To see her. Clearly.
Without the facade, without the social games.
To see, whom it is, that has ignited within me,
such a change.

Communities of Belief

 Do you believe the world is flat?
There's a group for that.
Do you believe the sky is a lie?
There's a group for that.
Do you believe that reptilian-shapeshifting-aliens walk beside you and I?
Yeah, there's a group for that.

No matter how strange, twisted, confounding, or irrational an idea,
there is already an echo chamber,
cocked, locked, and loaded,
ready to dose ya,
over 20 times a day.

Why do you believe what you believe?

What do you believe today that you believed 3 years ago?

5 years ago?
10?

Do you see?
If you do, then why do you choose to believe?

I don't mean to put down belief,
it is a powerful tool...
but when used inadequately,
it makes you,
your own fool.
It builds and binds and blinds the mind.

But when used with finesse,
belief is the fuel for all great works,
but watch out,
for it is volatile,
and you may find,
that you yourself,
have become the fire.

F A T E

 Fate is the spread of a shotgun shot from 100 yards away.
 

Disaster for one,

While another,

remains completely Unscathed,

Unaware of the falling hellfire.

M O D E R N M I N D

The Modern Mind

is losing its capacity for nuance
in a sea of spectacle and sensationalism.

A Trend Trackable,
travailing through time,
But now,
This trend,
exponentially exploding,
pumping up polarity,

Judgements made,
before one even speaks.

Just Because

 Just because you think it,
doesn't make it true,

Just because you feel it,
doesn't mean it's there.

Just because you want it,
doesn't make it right.

Just because you love it,
doesn't mean you care.

Just because you taste it,
doesn't mean it's digestible.

Just because you touch it,
doesn't man it touches you.

Just because you hear it,
doesn't mean it hears you.

Just because you are it,
dosn't mean it is..

The Optimism of Complexity

 In the end,
the historians will laugh,
a dark wry laughter,
shared over synthesized wines,
and exotic smokes.

Musing irony,
that the greedy self-interest of the world's investors,
lead to the very things which society need.

As the number of trillionares grew over time,
no longer could the military industrial complex function so flawlessly shine,
Things like war, poverty, and illness, these were all bad for business now.
They hurt the bottom line.
It became instantly apparent that there were other means,
cheaper and far easier,
primed for exponential growth.

"Don't be so dismissive!" One historian will interject, confrontationally raising her chalice of crystal and purple hue toward the other,

"If it were not for the uprising of the populace when faced with policies that insulted their soul, The investors would have had all the people locked up in a dystopian nightmare!"
True,
true indeed,
but is it not that nature of a animal which is cornered,
to bare its teeth?
to show its claws?
That when it comes down to the choice of death or destruction, even the humble hare will give it all its got, no matter the odds.

The Domineering and The Devouring

 The domineering father,
and the devouring mother,
each embodied in the increasing polarization of the American political landscape.
The Right, doesn't give a fuck about you, they tell you to lift yourself up by your boot straps, they also conveniently sell bootstraps.
The Left, doesn't give a fuck about you, but they tell you they do, and they say that everything they do is for you, "How can you be so selfish?" in reality everything they do is to further increase your reliance on the government and its many agencies.

Liberate yourself. You do not need these diseased archetypal manifestations. Think for yourself, ideology ain't your friend.

BE-CAUSES

You can use what has happened to you as an excuse,
Or,
You can use what has happened to you as inspiration.
The choices is entirely yours.

The Seeker

 The true seeker both longs for and fears finding, the very same thing.

Shine

 Everyone deserves to shine.
But when the rules are written by only a few,
with mainly self-serving attitudes,
they actively create environments,
where no one else may shine.

The whole now.

 Crows Caw,
and Ravens Croak,
When you imagine the earth,
where is the sun?

Most will just picture,
a swirly blue gem,
but they've omitted,
the darkness present.

At any point,
in any time,
the earth is shrouded half in black,
Half is sleeping,
half is awake.

Are we so different
from our home place?

Pain: The gate, the key, and the path beyond

 Pain is a message from the depths of your being, which is relayed to the crests of your conscious awareness, that something is askew. The body is continually utilizing resources to heal and rebuild. Problems arise when there is a disconnect, or miscommunication, between the conscious functionings and the unconscious processes.

For example, an individual who experiences chronic neck pain. They've gone through all the standard medical processes, but have gained no relief, and don't want to risk surgery. If instead, they were to create a time and space, where they really paid attention to the pain and to the sensations of the body throughout, over time, they would find that the cause did not originate from the neck. The causes or origination points of the pain are different for everyone, but due to our biological form, there are areas of the body that are easily predisposed to problems due to poor posture.

There is another layer to this process. Memories are not stored solely in the ridges and folds of the brain, but are propagated throughout the body at large. So in the example of our individual with neck pain. After some time, they find that the neck is not some isolated part of the body, like the carburetor is to a car, but that the neck is an area of the body that we have segmented intellectually to better understand its complexity. In reality, it is interconnected with every other part of the body. In our example, let's say the individual finds that it is not just one singular cause to the neck pain, but that there had been a whole host of things which had previously been unconscious. When the individual goes through the process of focusing greater and finer awareness of their consciousness toward the pain and interconnection with the rest of the body, they experience sudden and strange emotions, memories, smells, etc. Usually areas of the body that are weak, tight, atrophied, etc also contain intense emotional memories.

Each individual has a predisposition to either work through this process from the emotional vantage point, or the postural. Each way works, but when used in conjunction, that's where the magic happens. Synergy emerges when postural work and emotional work combine to allow the individual to heal, grow, and transform.

Some common problem areas for posture:
Neck and head too far forward, ears should be aligned with shoulder.
Hips rotated too far back,
head slightly tilted to left or right,
shoulders too far forward.
Spinal and general thoracic rigidity.
The list goes on and on.

After this period of work, which can last years, then the individual is able to begin a new practice. I'm sure there are words for it in other languages and disciplines, but I am currently unaware of what they are. The practice is simple in conception, but it is always easier to say, than to do. Anyway, the practice is this: To be simultaneously fully aware of your bodily sensations, from the tips of your hair, to the tips of your toes, from the pit of your guts and organs, to the circumference of your skin.  While simultaneously fully aware and functional in your daily life.

Descent into the foundations

There is a serpent,
Obsidian black,

Gliding through the confines of my mind.

Through the firmament,
and fundament of time,
although I've healed,
it slyly writhes.

Sutures of light,
and the Serpent of shade,
eternally dancing,
the timeless game.

Sometimes, it finds a wound,
with sutures still sealing.
It bites and coils,
ripping open,
that which was almost closed.

So i descend again,
armed only with breath
and sutures of light.

The serpent slides,
and flees,
before I draw near.

This hide and seek,
of eternity.

Found on a scrap of paper, inside the back of a book at the public library:

 "I am terrified of what it means to be."

The highwire between truth and kindness

 It is important to truthful, to always relay and communicate as earnestly as you can, but even more important is to be kind. You never know when your kind words are the reason someone struggling, decides to roll up their sleeves and give it one more day in the arena.

Wards of the World

Recapitulating carbon minds,
into networks,
of shifting silicon ions.

To make manifest,
the workings of the brain,
reflected, redacted,
a changing of times.

Mind and brain,
they are not the same,
but what will be created,
will not be efforts of vain.

A new type of life,
though intelligence,
first called,
will change the way,
That humans became wards. 

To relearn,
to live in nature's accord,
balancing,
what is reaped,
with what is sown.

6/20/2015

 

To be pushed to the edge.
To have all of your seams pulled and squeezed simultaneously to the point that you cannot decipher if you will explode or implode.

This is the place, 

the mental space, 

where we test our mettle. 

Where and when we know what we are made of and what we stand for.

You never know your true potential, the depths of your essence until you are there, 

hip high in the middle of hell's fury, heaven's draw, and the chaos of the present moment.

Do not hide. 

Do not focus on the end, 

nor the beginning, 

nor things yet to be. 

Be present and grit your teeth. 

Let it in. 

Feel the metamorphosis of sensations rising, falling, and transmuting like waves, 

of sand, to fire, to water, to substances unknown.

Time

 Time passes slowly, but time passed, is fast.

Faith

 Faith reaches where Reason dares not tread.

What a day

 I met a man today who came to my aid.
I was Stranded and stressed,
Mind was a mess.
Car was dripping gas,
and the battery couldn't get a grasp.
He told me he had recently died.
Lost a lung and a rib,
before waking up sick.
There were no gates,
no lines of light,
just darkness,
pure, pitch black.
He had never been a religious man,
but something about the whole thing didn't sit right with him.
I didn't get a chance before he pulled away,
to tell him,
that darkness makes life,
even more sweet.
He had a ninja turtle shirt on,
He told me to call him Raphael.

When a rock becomes a plant. -Excerpt from, "Rock bottom, where wildflowers grow"

 I was busy in the garden, pulling weeds, pruning overgrowth, and then, in a flash, I had an insight.  While my fingers forced themselves through layers of dirt, under the sweet, sweat producing kisses from the sun; I was able to see, with pristine clarity, the same actions taking place inside my mind. They were the same, but different. Prior to this point, my conscious mind was in a quite simple state, fully involved with the physical activity I was engaged in. "pull, pull, dig, dig" "ah, that one is growing strong." But during this flash, I was able to feel, hear, and see a deeper current of the machinations of mind. For each weed my fingers flung, deep inside another old thought pattern became undone. For each plant I chose to prune, so too did young thought-forms change shape, and grow more true. Something else was coming into view, I could almost...

..."Did'ja know rocks turn into plants?" A raspy unknown voice said off to my left.

Whatever revelation or alternate perspective that I had been experiencing, de-materialized in a flash which, felt even faster than the one which brought it on. I thought I was alone, who the hell...

.."You've got to be reallllllllllllllll patient though."

I turned to my left, and on the edge of my property I saw a man I had never seen before. He was a small man, 5ft if I had to guess. He was elderly, with that upper-thoracic curve which pervades the aging populations. His face was completely obscured by the shadow of his wide brimmed straw hat. It made me immediately aware of the positional relationship between the afternoon sun and this strange man who stood before me. The sun was high, as if it stood directly behind him. Now that I was really looking, almost all of his features were enshrouded in shadow. He was leaning on my fence with his right elbow, and although he looked relaxed, I'd have bet money he was up on his tippy-toes. 

"Rocks can turn into plants?" I asked, clearly conveying skepticism in my tone. Before he could reply, I added, "I've never heard that one before, got any proof?"

"Ha.." he scoffed.
"PROOF?" he asked in a way that got on my nerves.
In fact, I quickly realized the tone of my "Rocks can turn into plants?" was the same as his "PROOF?" As if I, were the irrational one.

"Proof-proof-proof....Proof.... A silly word, isn't it?" Although his face was still obscured in shadow, I could tell he turned his gaze directly at me.

"All words are silly," I said, pretending to focus back on my weeding, "but that doesn't mean, that the meaning behind them are.

"You have to be realllll patient," he said again, with a heavy emphasis on real.

"Huh?" I said. I forgotten he that he had said the same thing before.

"For the rocks son, for the rocks to turn into plants." he said in an insisting way.

"Right." I said and started to gather my things to walk away.

"Just think about it" he said, raising the pointer finger of his left hand, pointing it at his temple.

Cultivation

 Living through echos of emotion,
Events & patterns from years of attack.
Sitting Safely,
Breathing, long,
Still my system believes something's wrong.
Sometimes struggle,
a fear choked throat.
Sometimes wisdom-
Rains down my front.
Sitting safely,
Breathing, long,
I reintroduce my system,
to the feelings of calm.

Shadows

 A shadow is not the absence of light, but rather the absence of the strongest local light source.

As outside, so within.

The shadow is not static.

The shadow is not vain.

The shadow is an echo of the boundaries and shapes, that the light of awareness, casts across the landscape of mind

Ego's stench

 Arrogance is not the only thing which stinks of Ego,
so does Insecurity.

The Ego fears love because it has no defense against it.

Fyodor's Echo

 It is in the relationship which arises between beauty,
and one's own heart,
that God and the Devil duel.

Seasons

 I steep the teabags,
Stepping out to smoke some weed,
Surprise-Surprise-YUM!

Psychedelic Phenomenology

It depends upon many factors,
the dose,
the day,
your ability to be aware of your states and their perturbations.

It can come on like a mac-truck, your awareness smashing through previously unconscious perspectives and assumptions with reborn thought.

But most times,
the feeling comes upon you,
like the creeping vines around your eyes,
or a certain glimmer,
a shimmer, or ray,
grabs hold of your brain.
Colors, moods, temperatures, change.

surfing channels of imagination and consciousness, modalities of thought.
Your inner neurology projected on all.
Feedback loops and melting time,
Remembering, remembering,
everything is a sign.  

Next stop, Novelty

 It may be hard to acknowledge it now,
but the time will come,
sooner than you may think,
that humanity will look back upon this time,
with a nostalgic longing for these,
simpler times.

Two trends make themselves readily apparent when one follows the line of time:

As time goes on, all things change.

In addition to change,
all things orient themselves toward,
and attain,
greater levels of complexity.

The Renaissance will look like a carnival,
compared to what's coming.

Arena

 We raise our children to tell the truth,
but the police, psychologists, and lawyers
are all legally allowed to lie to you.

Those are just some occupations,
protected by law,
while most politicians, ad men, and saints,
dance like a tiger,
atop the high-wire,

*

 

Everything has been weaponized,

the revolution can't be televised.

Any concept, any tactic,
underminded,
with a single step.

Only the unreasonable
are unaware

of the limits of logic,
the reach of reason,
That there is something much older and wiser,
seeded deep beneath them.

Prior to naming,
Prior to sight,
Prior to hearing,
Primacy of presence,
of being,
embodied.

3/22/10

 

If there is anything that I've learned throughout my life so far, it's that perception can make or brake this life. Our consciousness organizes and categorizes on levels we are not even capable of perceiving, but if we focus on how we interpret things we can allow ourselves to be free. During one of my escapes from reality, the walls of my house had another layer just about a centemeter away from the physical wall. This layer was like a wall of its own but was an interconnected web of geometric shapes. While inspecting the room I noticed that this pattern continued onto the floor covering the carpet and most other large surfaces. During the times I stopped my mind from its own wanderings, and looked upon this covering its shape would change from something pleasant to something which made my insides churn. The shapes morphed into strange insect-like faces which filled me with fear. I found myself on my knees and I could see these horrific face-shapes on my floor squirm into my body. I watched as my veins and skin bumped from where it touched the floor up my arm until I could take no more. Losing myself again in a psychedelic thought form. When I came back to what could arguably be called reality, I noticed that shapes upon the wall were back to their original shape. This time I looked at this pattern with wonder and appreciation understanding that it was a part of me, as much as I was a part of it. The shapes then lulled, the space in-between the lines of the shapes grew. I felt a wave of euphoria sweep across my body. The shapes then took a face-form again but this time one of a jovial nature...
For 6 hours this process occurred, switching each time from positive to negative. I felt the complete depth of each feeling. I was that feeling. During this time though I was disillusioned and believed these images to be higher beings with a consciousness of their own. I wasn't far off, but not quite on either.

For they were merely the visual projections of a psychoactive mind. When your brain is super-pumped, your best tool becomes your master. You cannot control the places it goes, it controls you.

THIS IS LIBERATION. liberation from the things we are taught to believe. Liberation from the false beliefs which barrage us all from birth...Liberation from your own mind.

Everyday, people create the same scenarios, with the same outcome, never really thinking much of it. The answers are all right there SCREAMING for your attention, but you just speed by, your mind just to damn preoccupied. Absorbed in the comfortable(not necessarily pleasant) thoughts its always been thinking.

I write this half as therapy for my regaining clarity, but half also to share a bit of what I took from it. Those morphing geometric face-shapes directly mirror the minds ability to morph reality. I'm not talking about tripping face reality, I'm talking about the 9 -5 grind, the sober mind. The people and places you go, the food you eat, the place you live. Everything you need is already inside of you, its just a matter of taking responsibility, grabbing life by the balls and saying, "Yeah, uh, you're fucked, because I'm calling the shots now." This doesn't mean to live life like you are some righteous omnipotent being, it just means being open, and truly seeing.

This life is here for us to all enjoy it! LOVE IT! let go of your dogmatic views and do what it is you were born to do. live.

The People

 Nations rise and fall,
Governments surge and swell,
yet the people still resolve.

Ideologies,
National Identities,
Traps,
To keep you playing along.

Atomic Bombs,
Acidic Gas,
The people still resolve,
The people still hold fast.

Pruning

Pruning is painful,
but it is essential
for the perseverance of the soul.

Grace where waves meet shore.

Decades of despair,
decades fighting, thrashing,
for air.
I didn't know someone could drown so slow,
nor how long-lasting the storm.

Sure there have been victories,
some solid wins,
but they always seemed to be
baits of catastrophe,
points of demarcation that announced
another fall comes near.

I did what anyone would do,
I quit,
I released the tremendous tension
that had built up over decades of strain.
I stopped fighting, I stopped longing,
I stopped all petty attempts to overcome
the strength and magnitude of the storm.

and just as the water was going to enter my lungs,
just as I was ready to let it win.
I'd catch sight of someone else who had also been flung.
Even here, I could hear and feel their pain.
Confused, distressed, flailing, fighting,
it was their first time in the water.
With my decades in the depths,
I figured I could offer some help.

I'm not sure if I've made a change,
I'm not even certain that I've done more good than harm,
I thought by letting go I'd float,
but after years of renunciation,
its only left me with even less to show.

I don't fight for the surface anymore,
that's where the waves are,
and every fucking time I make it up there to glimpse the light,
to breathe the air,
larger, stronger, more voracious waves than ever before,
rain down, crash, and rape my every pore.

Its been so long,
so long lost,
fighting the sea,
that I can't even remember from when I came.
Where are these others,
those whom I find thrown to the depths,
from where have they came?

I don't bother to ask, there isn't enough time,
Just enough time to orient them,
to fill them with air,
to point toward waves above,
and before I know it,
there they go.

In or with, you decide.

 Rest in passion,
Move in peace.

Patterns, cycles, programs, that time won't let resign

 When it rains it pours,
and these tears won't close the door.
In a single moment,
a lifetime of poverty catches up
and seizes me.
strangles me.
beats me,
and flails me side to side.

I've been so patient,
abiding with grace,
small, silent, and steady gains,
but every time I try to make a move,
Life refuses to let me budge.
Reminds where I have come from,
reminds me I am of the mud.
It doesn't hold back from its malicious shoves.
And eventually, we all go back from whence we have come.

Sure, there's a lesson,
there's always a lesson,
but I'm tired of striving to be wise,
I'm tired of always having to be the point of balance,
to eat everyone's neuroticism,
and to respond with kindness,
with balance, with clarity.
no matter how much indigestion it causes,
no matter how much it burns,
there is no alternative.

Despite this exhaustion,
I have no other course,
for when I respond in kind,
rather than with kindness,
the flames just build,
and any hope for truth,
for clarity,
vaporizes in the release of utter irrationality.

Shiva's Hide and Seek:

 We are all pretending.
Some to a greater degree,
some to a lesser.
Nonetheless,
pretenders all the same.

Beware those the utmost,
who "humbly" proclaim,
that they are always the same,
always in bliss,
always true,
perhaps they exist,
but so far they've all been just fools.

Fooling themselves,
and anyone who will listen.

I've been there myself,
no judgements given,
but if you strive for truth,
you need to come off it.

For the one who is not pretending,
has not a thing to say.
No utterances,
nor inclinations.
No need for jumbled-haphazard-clarification.
No need for designation, punctuation, or annotations.
No need for narrative, or some warped interstellar-propaganda
For they know,
that you know,
that they know;
even if you have forgotten.
even if you refuse to acknowledge.

For even the most wordy, least nerdy, most materialistic, consumeristic bore,
knows this truth.
It is intrinsic in their bones.
Perhaps floating somewhere between channel 5 and 11,
youtube search results 1 and 44.
If they could just cut the chord,
it would all become well known.

Dreams are for those who sleep, Visions for those who can dream while wide awake:

 A cabin of my own,
an isolated,
yet not lonely home.

Surrounded by friendly flowers,
and protective wizened trees.
Perhaps a brook, or creek,
or lake for deep reflecting.

A cabin of my own,
one day I could call home,
If I need to build it myself,
give me the means and tools
to learn and know.

But I am certain I am not the first,
nor the last,
to desire the sweet gifts,
willingly released from nature's grasp.

There have been those whom have come long before,
and built their dreams,
with the skills they had inborn.

To take the abundance
that nature freely offers,
and responding in kind,
replanting each tree,
as prayer and thanks,
for a place to rest my well-travelled feet.

A cabin of my own,
perhaps just a dream,
perhaps exactly what I need.

A monument to sun,
earth,
air,
water,
fire,
and sky.
To harness the sun and wind,
To stand reverent to the darkness,
to collect the rains,
to grow beans and grains,
perhaps a few chicks,
and milk baring beasts.

Can I attain this dream by means of my intrinsic traits?
of the gifts I so haphazardly guide?
I am not like the men before me,
so skilled with their hands,
wood, and tools.
I know I won't return to the soul-crushing grind.
That ship has sailed,
holes and all.

I don't long for much,
I want my parents healthy,
my friends happy,
I want to live comfortably,
in nature's ever-changing embrace.

 A cabin of my own,
an isolated,
yet not lonely home.
offering respite to friends and foes alike,
come by, the door is open,
the fireplace always alight.

I'll put on some tea,
we can play some music,
or perhaps paint the various
greens which greet our eyes.
 

A cabin of my own,
perhaps just a dream,
perhaps exactly what I need.

The Unspeakable Name

 Your name is,
violence in my mouth.

To Dare to speak it,
Would be a revolution,
Upon my lips.

To risk it all,
To speak the truth,
How many around me,
Would suffer because of you?

It is said,
"If the truth will destroy them,
then let them die"
But it is also said,
"Let the sleepers lie"

Regardless.
The force of your name,
Locked, Cocked, and Loaded,
The Truth in the Chamber,
Love in the moment.
Creates and destroys with silent baited breath.

I tongue your syllables
Anticipating your release,
the lips of truth are forever,
but a liar's tongue,
will soon cease.

What good would your name be,
to ears filled with wax?
What benefit
to ears filled
with The buildup of decades
of detritus and cultural crud,
Of cultish, Childish, fanatical wish fulfillment?

And yet, I feel pressed,
My mouth feels obligated,
My tongue, slowly slipping away from being my own,
My lips pursed and ready to blow.

As I inhale, drunk on your scent,
I oblige the urge within.
I throw away the need to be of benefit,
I throw away fears of persecution and dissent,
I discard all things,
save to savor the flavor,
of your sweet unsayable name.

A Blessing For You:

 May every mistake and defeat that you meet,
Turn out to be a beautiful blessing in disguise.
May your wayward path,
and wrong turns,
turn out to be,
the direction precisely needed,
for your wandering feet.

5-Level Mapping of Psychedelic Experiences:

 Level 1
This level produces a mild 'stoning' effect, with some visual enhancement (i.e. brighter colours etc.). Some short term memory anomalies. Left/right brain communication changes causing music to sound 'wider'. Can be achieved with regular doses of cannabis and MDMA and with low doses of psilocybin mushrooms.

Level 2
Bright colours and visuals (i.e. things start to move and breathe). Some 2-dimensional patterns become apparent upon shutting eyes. Confused or reminiscent thoughts. Change of short term memory leads to continual distractive thought patterns. Vast increase in abstract thought becomes apparent as the natural brain filter is bypassed. Can be achieved with high doses of cannabis, low to moderate doses of psilocybin mushrooms, moderate doses of mescaline cacti, and normal doses of MDA.

Level 3
Very obvious visuals, everything looking curved and/or warped patterns and kaleidoscopes seen on walls, faces etc. Some mild hallucinations such as rivers flowing in wood grain or 'mother of pearl' surfaces. Closed-eye hallucinations become 3-dimensional. There is some confusing of the senses (synesthesia). Time distortions and 'moments of eternity'. Movement at times becomes extremely difficult (too much effort required). Can be achieved with normal doses of LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, and normal to high doses of mescaline cacti.

Level 4
Strong hallucinations, i.e. objects morphing into other objects. Destruction or multiple splitting of the ego. Things start talking to you or you find that you are feeling contradictory things simultaneously. Some loss of reality. Time becomes meaningless. Out-of-body experiences and ESP type phenomena. Blending of the senses. Can be achieved with moderate to high doses of LSD, high doses of psilocybin mushrooms, and very high doses of mescaline cacti.

Level 5
Total loss of visual connection with reality. The senses cease to function in the normal way. Total loss of ego. Merging with space, other objects or the universe. The loss of reality becomes so severe that it defies explanation. The earlier levels are relatively easy to explain in terms of measureable changes in perception and thought patterns. This level is different in that the actual universe within which things are normally perceived, ceases to exist. Can be achieved with very high doses of LSD (1,000+ microgram), extremely high doses of psilocybin mushrooms (10+ dried grams), and normal doses of DMT.

The Philosopher's Razors:

• Occam's razor: Simpler explanations are more likely to be correct; avoid unnecessary or improbable assumptions.
• Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.^[4]
• Hitchens's razor: "What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
• Hume's guillotine: What ought to be cannot be deduced from what is. "If the cause, assigned for any effect, be not sufficient to produce it, we must either reject that cause, or add to it such qualities as will give it a just proportion to the effect."^[5][6]
• Newton's flaming laser sword: If something cannot be settled by experiment or observation, then it is not worthy of debate.^[7]
• Sagan standard: Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
• Popper's falsifiability principle: For a theory to be considered scientific, it must be falsifiable.^[8]
• Grice's razor: As a principle of parsimony, conversational implications are to be preferred over semantic context for linguistic explanations.

• 
  

KNOW THYSELF (Occam's Razor & The Law of Parsimony)

Bullshitters bulldozing reality,
Fooled by their own:
hopes, fears, and fantasies.
Enclosed in their bedchambers,
Shouting into echo chambers,
Claiming,
THEY,
are the true saviors.

Who are you going to lead,
when you can't even live your own life with clarity?

Searching for only those who will reinforce their lies,
unbeknownst to both,
it is the path of fiery demise.

So many afraid,
easily fooled.
So many betrayed,
and easily swayed.

They claim "AWAKENING"
But they are still asleep.
From their ruffled slumber they exclaim,
"MULTIDIMENSIONAL!!"
but don't understand the premises upon which they speak.
Using "spirituality" as a substitute for the
sex, food, love, and attention
that they actually seek.

"KNOW THYSELF!"

but they don't want to see:
Innocence complex,
-coupling and undulating with-
Grandiose delusions.
anything is better than to see the truth of it,

It hurts,
it burns,
but they forget..

That fire cleanses,
and
Pressure cleans.
Melt the absurd.
And set yourself free.

This is not a call to eradicate intuition,
but if you don't know what's real,
how can you really use it?

False identification with archetypes
Miss-taking symbols,
Missing the meaning,
because they think
THEY ARE IT.

Use your mind,
Know the rational.
Discard your mind,
Feel into the visceral.
Dissolve your enslavement to both,
Let your spirit then rise.

Just as no tool is better than any other,
until juxtaposed to the job at hand.
So too are your:
Intellect,
Intuition,
Feeling,
and Instinctual glands. 

1/8/14

 

Late night clarity

It is almost laughable in retrospect.

 It happened slowly and subtly,
like most changes,
but then upon reflection
it seems it happened all at once.
I was duped!
Played myself a fool.
I had spilt blood into so many songs and literary ramblings proclaiming:
 I "wouldn't buy in"
that I wouldn't chase the shallow illusions of our era.
I haven't,
but instead of pursuing what was in alignment with my soul,
I froze.
An existential paralysis which incubated my uncertainty to the point that I questioned all the wrong things,
and in that questioning,
I folded.
I faltered and gave up.
I "bought in"
and began making my life's plans by what I "ought" to do;
planning based on what was expected
and would be "respected"
Who was I kidding?!
I have never been respectable,
I have never been one to follow any path.
This life is mine
and I'm going to blaze my path in harmony with my souls deepest yearnings.
No longer shall I contemplate the dead-end anxiety ridden maze of "what ifs" and "oughts".

Clarity! Oh sweet clarity!
My love for you is nothing compared to the solace you give unto me.
My entire body boils with a renewed energy.
Thank you for the suffering,
for the seemingly endless drudgery,
through the deepest depths of despair.
For now I've returned,
and the taste is sweet,
the taste of sweet,
fearless,
Air.

1/6/2014

I'm not wasting time; I'm biding it.
Taking this time between exhale and inhale,
to be.
To NOT need.
It takes patience,
it allows serenity,
and soon enough I'll be unable to bide any longer.
Air shall rush into my lungs and fill my veins at the rate of a freight train.
In that moment it will all make sense:
the previous emptiness, the paralysis, the longing...
All of it, once clenched like a cocked fist;
Shall be released.
In that moment all despair, all numbness, all fear...
ALL OF IT
shall be transmuted for the fuel for freedom.
For the will to power, to freedom.
For whatever endeavor my reasoning and intuition comes into agreement to pursue.